Since I am waiting on Jenny to get her ticket in the mail I have just been sitting on my dead ass in Romans... Which is even deader. Today I bought some new Pumas, which were exhortbantly expensive after the goddamn exchange rate. It was a necessary evil tho considering the only other shoes I brought to France were Elvis Blue running shoes.
So what shall I do for this break.... hmmmm. The first plan was to go to Barcelona, but as more time passes by I just feel like heading up to Amsterdam. After a few days there I am sure that I will be sufficiently partied out.
France is starting to grow on me. On Saturday I went paragliding outside of Grenoble with a friend. I was so cool to just take off running and jump off a cliff with a kite overhead. We sailed around the valley for about 5 minutes passing waterfalls, trees, and rock faces. After a few minutes I asked him if he could do any tricks and he proceeded to make us plummet toward the earth at an alarming rate all the while spinning dangerously out of control. As my eyes poured tears and my voice cracked with gleeful screams I felt my life reach a pinnacle. Every breath I took meant more than the one before. I was truly alive. After my feet touched the ground and I could feel the normalcy of my life even out again. I do not and will not ever fear death. If risky stunts like that propel one towards greater appreciation of life, I say go for it.
The job is going well, even tho I have yet to be paid and am growing more broke by the day. I should create some sort of charity tip jar on this sight or something. The good thing about being broke is that I have already lost 7 lbs and counting. I eat a croissant or the equivalent everyday, but I think the big diff is that the food here has zero preservatives and I walk all the time.
I guess I should go. Gonna go take a walk in my new million dollar kicks and seek a bottle of booze to soothe my Monday night boredom.
With love and peace,
Alexandra
Monday, October 25, 2004
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Freaking Cold
So I heard about the slaughter of 50 percent of the workforce at Maxim. That sucks dudes, but it shouldnt be that bad. At least there is a severence package. Who needs em anyway, go find a job at a company with a drug that actually works.
As for me and mine, I am freezing my fingers off here in France. The cold is here and it is only gonna get colder. It rains almost everyday, but that doesnt stop me from going out and running or rowing on the river. My roomie Katie and I have become little workout goddesses. I figure that I am 22 and this is as good as it is gonna get.
The students have almost made me homocidal. I freakin hate teenagers and highschool. The teachers run between cool and shit and can make my life hell if they want to. I currently have no voice to scream at the little beasts anymore cuz I have been working on pronunciation. It is really amusing to scream Think... Sink over and over until you dont know how to say it yourself... A real freakin riot.
Luckily for me I am getting my first week of paid vacay starting on Friday!!! Gotta love the French welfare state. My girl Jenny and I are gonna go to Barcelona to cause some trouble. I dont speak Espanol anymore so I hope to make it out alive and kickin ass.
Last weekend I went up to Grenoble for yet another party with the Frenchies. I have been meeting such cool peeps since I have been out here. I guess my crap American accent is perceived to be sexy so dudes are super interested in my deal. The shame is that they all try to speak English with me in these terrible accents that remind me of my students. Sweet french nothings= sexy... Broken ass English= gross.
Going back to the Alps this weekend for a rock concert. I have no idea who these band are, I am just looking forward to the social interaction en Francais.
Feel free to comment on my blog. I love reading what peeps have to say.
Until next time.
As for me and mine, I am freezing my fingers off here in France. The cold is here and it is only gonna get colder. It rains almost everyday, but that doesnt stop me from going out and running or rowing on the river. My roomie Katie and I have become little workout goddesses. I figure that I am 22 and this is as good as it is gonna get.
The students have almost made me homocidal. I freakin hate teenagers and highschool. The teachers run between cool and shit and can make my life hell if they want to. I currently have no voice to scream at the little beasts anymore cuz I have been working on pronunciation. It is really amusing to scream Think... Sink over and over until you dont know how to say it yourself... A real freakin riot.
Luckily for me I am getting my first week of paid vacay starting on Friday!!! Gotta love the French welfare state. My girl Jenny and I are gonna go to Barcelona to cause some trouble. I dont speak Espanol anymore so I hope to make it out alive and kickin ass.
Last weekend I went up to Grenoble for yet another party with the Frenchies. I have been meeting such cool peeps since I have been out here. I guess my crap American accent is perceived to be sexy so dudes are super interested in my deal. The shame is that they all try to speak English with me in these terrible accents that remind me of my students. Sweet french nothings= sexy... Broken ass English= gross.
Going back to the Alps this weekend for a rock concert. I have no idea who these band are, I am just looking forward to the social interaction en Francais.
Feel free to comment on my blog. I love reading what peeps have to say.
Until next time.
Friday, October 15, 2004
Who were you? Of Money and Passion
Some of the most challenging questions I get are about my past life. When my students cannot get a feel for who I am they revert back to the question- What do you do for a job?
I reply that I do this for a job right now and before I worked at a pharmaceutical company, but my education is in politics. Bewildered and exhausted they turn their eyes to the window or the floor, whichever is the farthest from my gaze.
It seems to me that who I supposedly was has nothing to do with who I really am. I have no desire to define myself by my means of allocating money. I have passions that have no marketable value. So here I am, working by day to support my passions by night, and in my opinion this is ideal.
On a train from Munich to Paris I sat and spoke with an older man named Gideon for many hours. He was originally from the Bronx but relocated to Germany years ago to work in film. His passion is photgraphy and his advice was this: Do not make your passion your job, because after a few years you will become bored with your job thus negating your passion. My girlfriends found this to be pessimistic but I understood him completely. No matter how cush the job, I will always hate it. The first day I show I up try to figure out how to work the least amount and maintain a good repution. The difference between me and other people is that I admit this from the get-go and never try to manipulate this means of a paycheck into my passion. They will always remain seperate for the sanctity of my personality and that which drives me.
I reply that I do this for a job right now and before I worked at a pharmaceutical company, but my education is in politics. Bewildered and exhausted they turn their eyes to the window or the floor, whichever is the farthest from my gaze.
It seems to me that who I supposedly was has nothing to do with who I really am. I have no desire to define myself by my means of allocating money. I have passions that have no marketable value. So here I am, working by day to support my passions by night, and in my opinion this is ideal.
On a train from Munich to Paris I sat and spoke with an older man named Gideon for many hours. He was originally from the Bronx but relocated to Germany years ago to work in film. His passion is photgraphy and his advice was this: Do not make your passion your job, because after a few years you will become bored with your job thus negating your passion. My girlfriends found this to be pessimistic but I understood him completely. No matter how cush the job, I will always hate it. The first day I show I up try to figure out how to work the least amount and maintain a good repution. The difference between me and other people is that I admit this from the get-go and never try to manipulate this means of a paycheck into my passion. They will always remain seperate for the sanctity of my personality and that which drives me.
Monday, October 11, 2004
Ambassador
After class, after parties, after lunch it is always the same response... you are not like other Americans. What is it that leads these new people that I meet to say this?
Went to a party Friday night in Grenoble. I was introduced to all of these different people, all french people, and as soon as they heard my accent they asked if I was English. No, from California. “Oh from California, c’est super!” But after a few exchanges the topic of politics always came up and I was left to amend the image of my country. After a few days of thought this has what I have come to realize. America is not seen the same in the hearts and minds of the American people as it is exported through the media and the news. This change of hand of the American image leaves the Americans themselves at a disadvantage when they are traveling abroad. The Europeans have the audiovisual proof to defend their conception of America as a fat, gun-slinging, petroleum-based, consumer, capitalist, and overall evil empire. When one finds themselves at this starting point in a conversation, one immediately knows that there is a lot of work to be done.
At the party I told a French girl that if I became the President the first thing I would do is walk into a homeless shelter and bring some families to the White House to do their laundry and have a nice meal. Nothing very fancy, just food that they wanted eat, prepared by caring hands and delivered during relevant conversations. No media, no scripts or sound bites, just conversation without worrying about the safety of their children for one day. It will take many years to give the people a functioning welfare state without crippling the economy, but a plate of food and some clean clothes can be made in an hour and a half.
The look of awe painted her face and as she could not believe what she was hearing. I did not defend every point, I just told her what I believed from my heart and that said it all. She then turned to another french man and told him what I said. He told me that it was impossible. He introduced himself as Smile and a great debate about the merits of capitalism commenced.
Today, Monday, I received a phone call from Smile to go out to lunch and talk. Turns out he is a professor of economy at a highschool in Grenoble and ten years my elder. We spoke about the differences between American and French culture for many hours and I once again was told that I was not like other Americans. I asked Smile if he had ever been to the States before and he told me that he never wanted to step foot there, because they just want to take his money. I couldn’t help but laugh. I asked him how he knew this to be true and he once again pointed to TV and movies.
Unfortunately this is not uncommon. In fact, every time I have asked one of my classes if they had ever met an American before only 3 out of 10 replied yes. The fact that people have not ever met an American before does not deny them opinions about Americans. The daily news bolsters an image of a spreading American empire on the search for oil. Movies by Michael Moore are treated like scripture and are used as test material in English class. The movie Super Sized Me has been quoted in my presence at least 5 times. Our mainstream media spreads the poison and our counter-culture media gives this audiovisual proof to those who love to hate America. I don’t know what to say any more other than that there are many others like me.
In my brief stay here in France I have become a petite Ambassador for the United States. So far at least 4 people have told me that they hated Americans before they met me and now they open to the idea that Americans are good people. My fellow Americans, I am reporting from the front lines and I must say this is a ticking time bomb. We all must work together to mend this broken image of our beautiful country as we are losing friends by the day. Maybe that doesn’t matter to anyone at home, but for an American abroad my life has never been tougher.
Until next time.
Went to a party Friday night in Grenoble. I was introduced to all of these different people, all french people, and as soon as they heard my accent they asked if I was English. No, from California. “Oh from California, c’est super!” But after a few exchanges the topic of politics always came up and I was left to amend the image of my country. After a few days of thought this has what I have come to realize. America is not seen the same in the hearts and minds of the American people as it is exported through the media and the news. This change of hand of the American image leaves the Americans themselves at a disadvantage when they are traveling abroad. The Europeans have the audiovisual proof to defend their conception of America as a fat, gun-slinging, petroleum-based, consumer, capitalist, and overall evil empire. When one finds themselves at this starting point in a conversation, one immediately knows that there is a lot of work to be done.
At the party I told a French girl that if I became the President the first thing I would do is walk into a homeless shelter and bring some families to the White House to do their laundry and have a nice meal. Nothing very fancy, just food that they wanted eat, prepared by caring hands and delivered during relevant conversations. No media, no scripts or sound bites, just conversation without worrying about the safety of their children for one day. It will take many years to give the people a functioning welfare state without crippling the economy, but a plate of food and some clean clothes can be made in an hour and a half.
The look of awe painted her face and as she could not believe what she was hearing. I did not defend every point, I just told her what I believed from my heart and that said it all. She then turned to another french man and told him what I said. He told me that it was impossible. He introduced himself as Smile and a great debate about the merits of capitalism commenced.
Today, Monday, I received a phone call from Smile to go out to lunch and talk. Turns out he is a professor of economy at a highschool in Grenoble and ten years my elder. We spoke about the differences between American and French culture for many hours and I once again was told that I was not like other Americans. I asked Smile if he had ever been to the States before and he told me that he never wanted to step foot there, because they just want to take his money. I couldn’t help but laugh. I asked him how he knew this to be true and he once again pointed to TV and movies.
Unfortunately this is not uncommon. In fact, every time I have asked one of my classes if they had ever met an American before only 3 out of 10 replied yes. The fact that people have not ever met an American before does not deny them opinions about Americans. The daily news bolsters an image of a spreading American empire on the search for oil. Movies by Michael Moore are treated like scripture and are used as test material in English class. The movie Super Sized Me has been quoted in my presence at least 5 times. Our mainstream media spreads the poison and our counter-culture media gives this audiovisual proof to those who love to hate America. I don’t know what to say any more other than that there are many others like me.
In my brief stay here in France I have become a petite Ambassador for the United States. So far at least 4 people have told me that they hated Americans before they met me and now they open to the idea that Americans are good people. My fellow Americans, I am reporting from the front lines and I must say this is a ticking time bomb. We all must work together to mend this broken image of our beautiful country as we are losing friends by the day. Maybe that doesn’t matter to anyone at home, but for an American abroad my life has never been tougher.
Until next time.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Autumn starts with a bang
There is a real honest to goodness storm going on right now. I haven’t seen anything like this in years. For the past couple of days there has been wind so strong in could knock you over. Then today it was calm with heavy clouds in the sky. My roomie Katie and I were walking to the store today to get booze and food when the bone in my hand that was broken in Mexico a few years ago started to ache. We had the other assistants over for drinks at Café Chaud, the name we have given the terrace outside of my room. We spoke in English and French about our lives at home and what there is to do around Romans, not a goddamn thing. After dusting 5 bottles of wine we came inside to eat when we heard the pitter patter on the window. It was almost cute the way is sounded so gentle and inviting. A couple of the girls had to walk home as it was getting late, so I lent one of the my umbrella even though she said that she didn’t need it. About fifteen minutes later I saw a lightening outside my window, and for the last hour there has been the most incredible crashes and flashes lighting up the sky. Now it is raining cats and dogs. We had to walk Antonio, the Spanish assistant, back to his flat on the other side of the school in the dark all alone. Talk about scary movie material, I almost pissed myself when I caught my own reflection in flash of lightening. The school is so old and huge that it seems like it has a life of it’s own. I dare not to walk down the halls by myself at night for fear of having a paranoia induced heart attack.
So when I become the President of the USA or the Governor of Cali, the first thing I am going to do is invite homeless families for dinner at the White house, or the Governors house. And no press allowed cuz I hate that publicity driven crap. I would do it to show the people that I stand shoulder to shoulder with them, whether they have money or not. Wouldn’t that be great to see a bunch of homeless people doing laundry at the White house and having a cheese sandwich with the Prez. God, I am going to be a cool president. And I am going to do a whole lot more stuff in the Rose Garden. It is too pretty to be ignored.
Gonna lay here and watch the storm for a little while longer. I am just loving real weather.
Vote Shaw in 2030
So when I become the President of the USA or the Governor of Cali, the first thing I am going to do is invite homeless families for dinner at the White house, or the Governors house. And no press allowed cuz I hate that publicity driven crap. I would do it to show the people that I stand shoulder to shoulder with them, whether they have money or not. Wouldn’t that be great to see a bunch of homeless people doing laundry at the White house and having a cheese sandwich with the Prez. God, I am going to be a cool president. And I am going to do a whole lot more stuff in the Rose Garden. It is too pretty to be ignored.
Gonna lay here and watch the storm for a little while longer. I am just loving real weather.
Vote Shaw in 2030
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Another day in Romans
So this is really annoying. I keep typing as if I was on a French keyboard while I am typing on my laptop. Just when you get used to one thing it changes right back.
I should really go to sleep considering I am teaching in seven hours. This gig really takes a lot out of me. The first class that I taught had nearly 20 students in it and only about 5 of them spoke. The others just chatted when my back was turned or stared off into space. I honestly understood their frustration considering I dropped out of highschool at 16. That is so crazy for me to be teaching these kids who are the same age I as was when I started college, they look so young. I guess I finally understand why I got such strange looks in my classes. The other classes were better because I demanded that I only take five students at a time. I taught them about the presidential elections and stereotypes. They seemed to get a kick out of telling me that Americans are McDonald’s eating, Coke swilling fatties. Gotta love Frenchies.
After class ended at 5 I when to the market to buy some food for dinner and mellowed out in my room for about an hour. Then at 7pm I when over to a British woman’s house in the suburbs (if there is even an urban place to be ‘subbed’). There were 5 English assistants and two British women for dinner and drinks. This one woman Veronique is awesome. She is French but was married to an English dude so she speaks the bomb English. She was so funny cuz she had drama with another English teacher there and was all to happy to share the gossip after the other left. Some habits are universal, and the cattiness of women cannot be denied no matter what side of the pond you live on.
The weather in Romans is changing. The wind is blowing and with a crazy force and I can tell it is going to get cold soon. Once the weather changes I am sure that I will be holed up in my apartment swilling booze writing the next great American novel. How Hemingway of me.
Gonna go now. Thank you everyone for writing me kind notes and keeping me posted on the gossip back in the states. Just because I am gone for now doesn’t mean that I am not interested in the sordid details.
And Maximites, good luck with the cuts if there are any. If any of you want to escape the states and come here to France I now a great little town that shuts down at 7 and doesn’t have any bars.
I should really go to sleep considering I am teaching in seven hours. This gig really takes a lot out of me. The first class that I taught had nearly 20 students in it and only about 5 of them spoke. The others just chatted when my back was turned or stared off into space. I honestly understood their frustration considering I dropped out of highschool at 16. That is so crazy for me to be teaching these kids who are the same age I as was when I started college, they look so young. I guess I finally understand why I got such strange looks in my classes. The other classes were better because I demanded that I only take five students at a time. I taught them about the presidential elections and stereotypes. They seemed to get a kick out of telling me that Americans are McDonald’s eating, Coke swilling fatties. Gotta love Frenchies.
After class ended at 5 I when to the market to buy some food for dinner and mellowed out in my room for about an hour. Then at 7pm I when over to a British woman’s house in the suburbs (if there is even an urban place to be ‘subbed’). There were 5 English assistants and two British women for dinner and drinks. This one woman Veronique is awesome. She is French but was married to an English dude so she speaks the bomb English. She was so funny cuz she had drama with another English teacher there and was all to happy to share the gossip after the other left. Some habits are universal, and the cattiness of women cannot be denied no matter what side of the pond you live on.
The weather in Romans is changing. The wind is blowing and with a crazy force and I can tell it is going to get cold soon. Once the weather changes I am sure that I will be holed up in my apartment swilling booze writing the next great American novel. How Hemingway of me.
Gonna go now. Thank you everyone for writing me kind notes and keeping me posted on the gossip back in the states. Just because I am gone for now doesn’t mean that I am not interested in the sordid details.
And Maximites, good luck with the cuts if there are any. If any of you want to escape the states and come here to France I now a great little town that shuts down at 7 and doesn’t have any bars.
With a little help from my friends
Hey yall. Just want to quickly let you know that I am feeling better. I got my blog to update, so expect more entries with great stories.
Taught my first class an hour ago. The kids wanted to know about Bush and America. I was pleased to talk about anything, just as long as they didnt sit there like lumps on a log. I got my first experience disciplining a kid. He just kept on talking so I walked up to him and said :Are you planning on talking for the whole class cuz I can plan around it: Then made the universal cut it out sign, which I think he mistook for :I am going to kill you: Whatever works, right?
Gotta go prepare for another class of sixteen year olds... God help me.
Taught my first class an hour ago. The kids wanted to know about Bush and America. I was pleased to talk about anything, just as long as they didnt sit there like lumps on a log. I got my first experience disciplining a kid. He just kept on talking so I walked up to him and said :Are you planning on talking for the whole class cuz I can plan around it: Then made the universal cut it out sign, which I think he mistook for :I am going to kill you: Whatever works, right?
Gotta go prepare for another class of sixteen year olds... God help me.
Friday, October 01, 2004
Here, in the Clear, in need of some Cheer
How frustrating...I am on a french keyboard, and like everything else here it is just slightly different. I am in Romans-sur-Isère at my school finally. I live on campus in a furnished apartment with an Italian girl and an English girl. They are both pretty cool. The apartment itself is awesome, my room has a terrace that is at least 30ft by 30ft! My room faces north so I get tons of sun which is both a blessing and a curse. And get this, it is just 30€ a month!
Paris was great. I saw a lot of the Frenchies that I knew when I lived there before. I went to a bunch of museums that I was too lazy to visit last time and ate a lot of bread and cheese. We went dancing till 4am one night, but for the most part just chilled.
After a week in the city of light I went to Grenoble for orientation. We went to a small village in the Alps called Autrans where the winter olympics in 1968 where held. It would have been better to call it summer camp as there were 80 kids doing the hey-how-are-ya bit and sleeping in bunk beds. I find this kind of interaction to be exhausting, especially after two weeks on the road. I met some cool Aussies and Brits and cliqued up with other girls in Romans.
So here I am and it is finally setting in. I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss the beach, and I miss being local. My french sucks compared to others assistants. I am trying to keep my chin up and live this experience in the now but it is hard. The nights are the hardest, when I lay awake thinking about the ocean lapping at the shore or the sun on my face. I miss being loved by those around me. I have no idea what I am going to do after this is all over in April. I could nearly have a panic attack just thinking about that.
So this weekend I am going to go to the South of France and try to find a beach to swim at. I hope this will put a bandaid on my home sickness.
Please email me at alexandrashaw@gmail.com. I need to hear friendly words as I cut my way thru this jungle.
Paris was great. I saw a lot of the Frenchies that I knew when I lived there before. I went to a bunch of museums that I was too lazy to visit last time and ate a lot of bread and cheese. We went dancing till 4am one night, but for the most part just chilled.
After a week in the city of light I went to Grenoble for orientation. We went to a small village in the Alps called Autrans where the winter olympics in 1968 where held. It would have been better to call it summer camp as there were 80 kids doing the hey-how-are-ya bit and sleeping in bunk beds. I find this kind of interaction to be exhausting, especially after two weeks on the road. I met some cool Aussies and Brits and cliqued up with other girls in Romans.
So here I am and it is finally setting in. I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss the beach, and I miss being local. My french sucks compared to others assistants. I am trying to keep my chin up and live this experience in the now but it is hard. The nights are the hardest, when I lay awake thinking about the ocean lapping at the shore or the sun on my face. I miss being loved by those around me. I have no idea what I am going to do after this is all over in April. I could nearly have a panic attack just thinking about that.
So this weekend I am going to go to the South of France and try to find a beach to swim at. I hope this will put a bandaid on my home sickness.
Please email me at alexandrashaw@gmail.com. I need to hear friendly words as I cut my way thru this jungle.
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